Today I ran 4 miles at the gym, and then I went to the Jackie Farry Fuck Cancer benefit at the Bowery. I got there late, so I missed J. Mascis which was a bummer. But the bonus was that David Cross was co-hosting, and I’m a huge fan of him. (Who isn’t? Raise your hand, I’ll kill you.)
He and Jackie raffled off a few things, and then Miss Pussycat and Quintron came out and rocked. Miss Puss put on a rockin puppet show about Mr. Fiddle the Spelunker and his adventure in the Enchanted Werewolf Cavern. Then Quintron joined her on stage, workin up a frenzy behind the grill of his Fender Rhodes made up to look like an ominous Rolls Royce, with lights and fender and all that. He also had some weird rig on his right that consisted of a light-sensitive synthesizer, triggered by a light bulb covered by a rotating coffee can with holes punched in it. Very weird. Also some heavy beats, some other synth stacked on the Rhodes Royce, a very stompy high-hat, and behind it all the most beat up Leslie cabinet I’ve ever seen. Pretty amazing. I danced.
Then after some more raffling and David Cross antics, Har Mar Superstar took the stage. I’d heard the name but had no idea what to expect. What I saw could only be described as the overgrown lovechild of some weird bizarre love triangle involving Jon Lovitz, Jack Black, and Peaches. This guy had the sexual bravado of every great 70s hair rocker, but without being hampered by any sort of physical attractiveness. Yep, he’s one ugly motherfucker, but somehow he’s the hottest ugly motherfucker you’ll ever see. He made out with at least 4 different girls in the crowd, which was at least 4 more more than I did. By the time he stripped down to his Paul Frank camo-patterned tightie-whities, I was ready to make out with him too. By the end he was pulling out his pubes and throwin em into the crowd and yellin “Give it up for ME, motherFUCKERS!” Pure genius. Oh yeah, and the music was awesome. Big beats and head-spinning rhymes. I danced and laughed through the whole set.
Then Chavez came out and were real loud. I don’t get them, really. I left the front row for a while.
Then Cat Power came out and sucked in that charming way she has. Her voice is so pretty. Her guitar playing left something to be desired, however. She should probly could get a guitar where the cord isn’t always crackling and falling out of the jack. Or at the very least get a strap so the guitar isn’t constantly slipping out of her hands. But you know, it’s Cat Power. It was still great. She did play a pretty cool (if brief) version of (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction, the number one rock and roll song of all time. And at least this time she didn’t run off the stage crying at the end of her set. So I guess that’s some kind of progress.
After that David and Jackie came out to raffle off more stuff. I ALMOST ALMOST won a free ‘smoking cessation by accupuncture’ session. They called 466286 and my number was 466287. Bummer. I don’t even smoke, but still. I woulda started smoking so I could get the most out of it.
I did get a poster, which Jackie signed. It says, “Go Raffle Winner! Love, Jackie.”
And then David Cross said, “I’m gonna raffle off this towel.” And he pulled out a five dollar bill and read the serial number. And I yelled, “Me! Me! That’s me!” And so he gave it to me, this really awful smelly towel. I think it was used to wipe up some spilled beer as well as some of the sweat off Har Mar’s yummy body. Haven’t decided if I’m gonna wash it or not.
Finally, the Blues Explosion came out and did their Bizarro World version of the Rolling Stones. I’d never seen them before, though, so I enjoyed it. Then I was tired and I went home.
And lo, here I am. Good night.