FAMILY MAN

Dubya’s grandfather made a fortune doing business with Nazi Germany. Dubya’s Dad got him into Yale and Harvard. Dubya also used his family’s influence to skip the waiting list for the Texas Air National Guard. Daddy Bush helped George W. start an oil company. When he bankrupted it, Daddy’s buddies in the Bin Laden family helped fund a new one for him to run. He bankrupted that one too. Then daddy helped him buy the Texas Rangers.

Later, George’s brother Neil was implicated in the S&L scandal, which resulted in the largest taxpayer bailout in history. Then in 2000, George’s brother Jeb, governor of Florida, helped George win that state’s electoral votes, in part by striking eligible voters from the rolls who happened to have the same names as convicted felons from Texas who may have moved to Florida. When Jeb’s efforts weren’t enough to ensure a victory, and it looked as if Gore might win the Florida recount, Daddy’s buddies — er, appointees — to the Supreme Court ruled that the recount should be stopped.

Mmm, family values.