Dubya’s Pep Rally

Thursday, February 3, 2005


We are living in a high school world, and the dumb quarterback is running the student council. Here are some of the things I overheard at the pep rally today:

“Hooray! Let’s clap for another broad-reaching promise that will go unfulfilled!”

“I applaud your empty rhetoric!”

“Let me stand up and sit down 63 times in one hour!”

“Let me commend your flowery euphemisms for death, destruction, and the dismantling of civil rights!”

“Let me cheer your ability to put a gold star and a smiley face on your own plans for eternal war!”

“I salute your ass-backwards robin-hoodery! Let’s bet the whole fucking wad on ‘Daddy Loves Wall Street’ in the 5th!”

“I shall gladly empty my wallet for the causes of fear and terror! Hip Hip! Hurrah!”

“The Crawford High Tigers of Freedom are on the march! Next week we face The Fighting Towelheads of Syria Central in the big homecoming game and we are gonna WHOOP THEIR IRAQI-LOOKIN’ BUTTS!”

Fuck this shit. I’ll be out behind the fieldhouse, smoking the whole fucking pack.

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